Rediscover the Importance of Foreplay – Create Mutually Pleasing Stimulation
For men and woman alike intimate acts with insufficient stimulation can be a major obstacle to having fulfilling, sexual experiences. When you extend your playful, exciting foreplay you may find it offers a fun and pleasing solution to this challenge. Many people are under the misconception that foreplay is just a prelude to intercourse. It can be a nice way to start that ball rolling but, it can also be much more than just that. It is also a fundamental characteristic of intimacy that deepens the physical and emotional connection between lovers. Make the time to explore each other’s bodies, wants and needs. When you do this both of you can become more highly aroused and extend the emotional bonds between you. This can solve a host of issues in your loving relationship and increase the closeness between you.
Communicate on an Intimate Level
For men and woman sex is slightly different. For men the sequence can be simplified into 3 distinct stages. Flirtation > Arousal > Sexual activity (foreplay considered optional). For women this is slightly different. Flirtation > Foreplay > Arousal > Sexual activity > Intimacy (afterglow foreplay after intercourse). So, for full mutual satisfaction we can discuss what we want firstly with our partner well before the event takes place. Talk about it, as communication is key to a good relationship sexual or otherwise. Talk about what they like doing to you, what they like having done to them by you and how long they would like it to last. Basically, you should both get to know what turns them on and what turns you on before the main event. After all the build up to intercourse should be stimulating and exciting too. No matter how long you know someone you are not a mind reader. So, talk about it to make it better for you both.
Take Your Time in Foreplay Fun
Studies have shown that foreplay (stimulation pre or post penetrative intercourse) takes about 10 minutes on average according to self-reported survey data. After discussion with your partner try and figure out how long you would both like to play like this. Remember that some of what you have discussed will be done at the same time as something else is happening and some of it with one as a giver and one a receiver. Make the time to talk and then take the time to extend the fun the way you both want to. Try to extend it slowly if you both want to. Try 10 minutes, then 15, then 20 and see how things progress. Just remember none of this is set in stone. You can always change timings depending on how you feel on the day. Sometimes one or both of you might want a quicky and if that’s the way it is on the day go for it!
Find Out What Foreplay Styles Work for You Both
Different styles of foreplay can convert routine intimacy into something that is much more exciting and exhilarating for you both. So, what style can I try? Try to imagine each time is the first time you have been intimate with this person. Remember that erogenous zones are good later on but, there is more to the body that just these areas. So, simple things to start with like gentle, soothing caresses and touch on eyebrows, around the face, temples, ears, shoulders, hands, arms and hair can begin arousing someone. If you can imagine not many people touch others in these areas so, it will feel interesting, stimulating and will increase the trust between you. Just keep it gentle. As always be mindful with your partners reactions to stimulus. Note the response you are getting and if it is good, do more, otherwise try something else somewhere else on their body.
Progress the Fun at the Right Pace for You Both
Next, we might progress onto tender kissing and licking over their body. When you are close to their ears try some loving, whispered words of affection. Throughout your playful foreplay you will be creating a deeply immersive mutual experience. These playful moments, either while clothed or naked are invaluable in a loving relationship. They allow both or you to feel valued, attracted and connected. During this play you are both fostering a sense of mutual pleasure, respect and appreciation. Just like lovers should do.
Mix it up! Add Some Variety and Spice Up Your Love life
Incorporating variety into your foreplay can really begin to reignite passion and become very exciting. Experiment with different types of play. You can use gentle touch as you undress someone slowly instead of ripping their clothes off like in the movies although this also has its place as fun. You might introduce new elements like a blindfold for one of you each in turn. While you are naked more oral stimulation, kissing, licking, nibbling at erogenous zones might be nice. Why not try warming some massage lube and using it for a sensual massage. Using water based massage lube on genitals feels amazing and can add an extra layer of fun enhancing your overall experience. Try to focus on having fun with body exploration like you did when you were a teenager. Make it all a pleasure from the beginning rather than rushing in to try and get the end quickly. All of this really can make intimate fun richer and much more satisfying for you both. Who wouldn’t want that?
References:
Lehmiller, J (2018) Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How it Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life Little, Brown Book Group. Kindle Edition.
PSI Training (2024) Masterclass in Sexual Dysfunction course notes
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224490409552237
https://www.scielo.sa.cr/pdf/cinn/v9n1/1659-4266-cinn-9-01-00059.pdf
Super post here. I had not really given fore play much thought. For me it was just a means to an end. you know get the ball rolling toward the big event. However, now I understand much more. I am sure my other 1/2 and I will enjoy this new perspective and have fun at the same time.
Hi Paul, I am very happy this has given you some insight. Intimate time is supposed to be fun and fulfilling for you both. I hope you both can take the time to partake of some of these ideas and do it with a smile. Yours Kevin